| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2003|10:38 pm] |
a partner should be a friend, a lover, a confidante, a travelling companion and so many other things
-ok we agreed on that b4 u left..to be best frens, have the best sex and to confide everything with each other...did i miss anything out?
when u need ur partner to be a friend so u can talk about things, he/she cannot be a lover and keep on turning wat u say into something related to him/her, cos that's just not the point.
sometimes u want intimacy from your partner, and he/she plays the role of a lover to provide the care and intimacy, and he/she cannot just be a friend.
sometimes u want ur partner as a confidante, so that u can reveal your deepest and darkest secrets becos u need an outlet. the person cannot be a lover/friend who might use that info against u in a time or argument. input with no verbal output.
when we're young, and still finding our way
we have to have many people around us
best friends, friends to hang out with, friends we can bitch over the phone with
but as we grow older, and all our friends and ourselves grow closer to a particular person, we drift slightly from each other, towards our partners
cos by that time, partners will be fulfilling more and more roles in each other's lives. |
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| Eat Pie |
[Oct. 4th, 2003|02:05 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Janet Jackson- This Time | ] |
So i watched American Wedding just now.the final spin off of the American Pie series..the one with real crass, 'blow' me away jokes spiced with lots of pubes. anyways this is no different. but amidst a lot of complications, self-induced, accidental or intentional ones, they still made it to the altar and had that couple's dance to start the dinner reception off. it was utterly romantic. not the actuality of it, but the concept of it. to enter it a permanent contract with something, binding for the rest of your life. funny, i should be freaked at the idea of permanency, or at least a lot of people would. u know i'm kinda (in)famous for my commitment problems and i think part of the prob is that i could never envision anything more than living for this moment with the person i'm with. with my imagination a patch of black and white, i find no more colour in that said relationship. i'm always wary of entering into one, i must have told u that. and i even refrain from talking anything vaguely touching on being long-term cos the higher u climb, the harder you fall.
but u know i feel different about this. i feel that i've reached the end of all searches. i feel good thinking about waltzing with you at 40. i get excited by the mere fact i'm going to visit you, and living with you. and i get this rosy picture of us living together in a foreign city, fighting over who should wear that common-favourite overcoat to brave that strong snowstorm outside. am i being overly optimistic? am i just imagining things?
i reallie hope not: my imagination only allows me to venture into realms of certainty. |
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| One Month Off |
[Oct. 2nd, 2003|09:02 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Underworld - Two Months Off | ] |
Wow, time flies. It's been a month of seperation and still it feels exactly the same. I really do not know how you managed to do it, but I'm still feeling as good as back then. Nothing has changed, nothing in the slightest. It's amazing! My world is like a split-screen in a movie. Half of it shows me doing what I am doing, the other half has you, doing your bit. I miss your physical presence, but I guess it's because your heart is with me that I do not miss you completely. It's safe here, all wrapped up in ruby-red heartstrings. Here's to one month, and many more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 29th, 2003|05:36 am] |
There are times when you wish you were not the person standing in front of the mirror. There are times when you wish you could crawl into a ditch and simply die. There are times you wish someone would just take you away into some fantasy realm. There are those times, so many of those times, so many of those times in the past.
It was being on the phone, and like the previous night's conversation, moments whereby there was silence...a comforting silence. We can just be. A new time has come: the time when there is no where else, no person else I'd rather be. |
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| Break and Tear |
[Sep. 24th, 2003|10:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Diana Krall- Just The Way You Are | ] |
Someone close to us has been hurt and thereof nursing a broken heart.and she probably would have heard it all: it takes time, don't think too much about it, it's alrite...but all probably hard to do given circumstances and the fraility of the human heart.we are just around, keeping ourselves available whenever possible, and thatz probably the best we can do as of now.
and something weird happened that material night, didn't it?a parallel sort of tiff between us. but we resolved it on more than amicable terms so thatz good.but looking around we have a lot of lucky stars to thank.what started out as a protecting of self-interests came to light to be more of a concept of 'us' and thatz what in the end matters most and the impetus to get our act together.we have a lot to learn from events around us and whatz gd and whatz not going between us.and i'm glad things went the right way in the end.what we have built up, i think even pple yrs into their relationship couldn't compare.people might say we have just started out and everything's rosy at the beginning..the honeymoon period as so overly-claimed. we still are (rite hun?) but we are just building a foundation stronger than any other, firmer than any before.
we did promise to walk with each other, through flashbacks of our past and through the most difficult of circumstances right?
and now i'm sitting in a boring lecture, still 'irrationally feeling so wonderful thinking of you'. life is good and will always be. |
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| Tested |
[Sep. 23rd, 2003|03:43 am] |
Examinations are bothers, but I can't say that it's similar to being put to task in life. The lessons learnt from those instances are far more beneficial and they last longer---experience is the greatest teacher of all, so they said, so i've heard.
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I live in my comfort zone, and though my movements are repetitive, i enjoy the certainty of it all. For a while i've been ending my days hearing the same line and seeing the same words...but tonight, it's different. When a conversation ends abruptly, or when it touched an issue that deserves more time and attention than i can afford, the thoughts that have been unleashed riddles my mind with incessant worries. There is no blame in this---this occurred, beyond our control---and it would be immaturity to say that the ill-feelings that have surfaced it the fault of the other and would end up becoming one of the greatest fallacies in human understanding: Post hoc ergo propter hoc. It is true that these feelings manifested themselves during conversation, but equating the two together would be erroneous. The problem was already there, during talking it hit a raw nerve. Regretfully, i showed an undue reaction.
--------------
So now i board the plane alone. The flight there is going to be very lonely and i'm missing you. But i'll remember in the future, to never miss our flight. |
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| Baby G |
[Sep. 17th, 2003|12:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
it's a good day today.went out with baby g.watched a crappo show (should have known from the title: Hollywood Homicide) after some sock-shopping (rather intensive) at U2 and then proceeded to have dinner at plaza sing after she bought the exact same Bose speakers as mine (yes, yes..don't spoil the moment kt).we had a gd dinner: talked much about everything from iffy boyfriends,mistrust,distrust,displaced hope,dynamics of men here,dynamics of how pple act here to plans in the future.we had good coffee at Baker's Inn (they just opened another branch at Paragon extension) and chatted even more.it might be a making of a gd friendship, reminds me of how shu hsien and i started out, less the iffiness of relationships.she's good company, very refreshing and honest. i like.ha.
and of course i miss u as much as ever. so much more in fact, really had this sudden urge to book an air ticket to you over the next weekend. love is so crazy (and expensive..hehe). wish u were here. really really. |
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| Shitholes |
[Sep. 12th, 2003|11:31 am] |
I know this week has been very wanting so far...i do apologise. But for some strange bizarre reason one too many things seems to be going to the dawgs over here. In the beginning there was this guy who liked this girl but she honestly told him that she never felt anything for him to start with right before she flew back to sg (he was forced to confess his feelings for her because she was flying off). So now he's a little suicidal and still in denial that she didn't like him at all. He still wants to pursue her, but aaargh...he's just delusional.
Then there's this other guy who is still recuperating from having his ex get together with his best friend. He really liked her and all, but due to the distance things didn't work out. Heh. Amazing. And of all people his best friend. Double whammy in my book.
And there's of coz aaron, who's been stressing for the past month when i was away and the demise of our relationship is another interesting bit of melodrama to add to the ongoing soap.
Finally we have my housemate and her rather tumultuous breakup, followed by childish antics on the part of her stupid insecure ex.
My apartment is becoming the headquarters for some self-help group for depressed or emotionally troubled individuals. They had a session last night (all of them have no sch on fridays) and it lasted until about 4 or 5 at least. I woke up this morning and found dirty glasses and a bottle of sparkling wine on the coffee table. The hall was in a mess. I dun like mess. I hate mess. I guess they'll clean it up eventually...they'd better.
How could i even condone this? Well, little choice really. Upset housemates need friends to tide them over, especially when it's a distressed female we're talking about. But it still does not help the way i am feeling right now. Irritated, not well-slept, having work on my mind....and most of all, not being able to talk to you. This is really a terrible week. I'm not going to let it encroach into my weekend. Why can't it just be the two of us sitting at coffee club express doing our work and just being happy? Hrmz...it's friday. I guess we have a couple of nights when we could do just that.
Still waiting in earnest for this day to end and for our weekend to begin. Amidst all the shit i see around me, it's worth waddling through it just to get to you. |
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| Silence as our language |
[Sep. 9th, 2003|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
it almost feels weird: 'tis not talking to u at night before i retire for the day. 'tis almost habit breaking- bad for health. but i know in some other realm of consciousness and emotional bearing, we are always talking, always meeting, always embracing. today we were talking about how we are reduced to silence and grateful (satisfied albeit heavy, heavy) sighs when language seems to run dry on us. 'Seems' is the operative word here since the silence that transpires between us has reached a whole new level, almost a whole new arena of communication. there is so much encapsulated in those moments that itz almost blasphemous to put words to somewhat quantify these times. there are things that are only better left dealt by silence and emotions best qualified by speechlessness. 'tis the most fantastic connection that anyone could have with anyone. yesterday's talk reduced me to mere human who lives only by the parent emotion-giver, dispensing everything good ever so selflessly. but it also elevated me to an angel who could look no further up because the heights you brought me to are dizzingly high. you remind me why i love you so much everyday by everything u do and you remind me that perfection is not just talk or just a word, but a habitat that only allows two- us two. |
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| Round and round we go, ring around the roses. |
[Jun. 30th, 2003|04:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Frou Frou - Only Got One | ] |
In our boredom a battle ensues
Killing because we can and also
Because we have nothing else to do
That's the way things are sometimes. I guess it is something we can hardly attempt to change. |
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